Kunitzer in China

I'm sorry to disappoint all those people who were wringing their hands in eager anticipation of seeing me in a pair of crotchless pants, but they just didn't fit.

And for all those people who have been biting their fingernails in fear of Chinese diapers filling up our American landfills, you can now sleep better at night dreaming about crotchless pants.

Believe it or not, these things are real. Just as real as the wet spots left behind where crotchless pants have tread. I'm beginning to understand why I haven't seen any carpeting since I've been in China.

It's actually quite amazing that kids here know what they are supposed to do. This kid didn't have any wet or dirty pants, and he was clearly younger than my 2-year old daughter. My 2-year old, on the other hand, nearly gets a party thrown for her when she uses her potty chair - even when she misses and needs to change into some clean clothes.

Although I haven't actually seen any kid shake the dew of his lily, I also haven't seen any parent ever clean up any type of spill or trash or mess. It kind of makes me wonder what kind of germs are on my hands while I am eating. Especially since I never see soap in the bathrooms.

Good thing my wife came well-stocked with anti-bacterial hand wipes. Unfortunately, she did not come with a 3-year supply of anti-bacterial hand wipes and already the stock is running low. I think her diligence in keeping the girls' hands clean is now waning because she recently made a very keen observation: there are no sick people here. It seemed like it was very common in Charleston, SC to see people with a cold or runny nose or allergies or a flu bug. Not a lot of people, but enough that you knew something was going around. My wife and I just haven't seen people with any type of sickness here. I don't know if it's because people have better developed immune systems because they are exposed to more germs starting at a very young age. Or if it's because there are so many people here that look so much alike, that it is difficult for me to know if somebody has been whisked off to a quarantine camp for Asian bird flu because they sneezed in the poultry section of the supermarket. Regardless if there is less sickness here or not, I'm still going to recommend that my wife get some crotchless pants because one can never be too sure.